Jealousy…

“Jealousy is the most exceptional passion in the world.”

F. Dostoevsky

Jealousy is a fundamental social emotion consisting of affective, cognitive and behavioral components. Romantic jealousy is the most common and important form, because romantic love is a universal human phenomenon and is associated with reproduction. Appropriate jealousy indicates an intention to protect the relationship.

Jealousy is a complex emotion that is difficult to define, despite its unambiguous predominance in interpersonal relationships.

Although the Latin and Greek roots of the word “jealousy” refer to a fervor, a ardor, or a love to emulate; jealousy is usually characterized as a negative emotional reaction that occurs when an individual loses (or is afraid of losing) a valuable relationship due to the threat of a real (or imaginary) rival.

Jealousy ranks first in the list of the most powerful human emotional experiences, although its nature, rationale and origin are poorly understood.

Jealousy is the eternal companion of love, but it can poison love.

“A person is jealous not when he loves, but when he wants to be loved.”

The partner demands unlimited, exclusive attention to himself. Here you can draw an analogy with a child, such an attitude resembles his relationship with his mother, some children say so, defending their object of affection – this is my mother and THAT’s IT!

The first reactions of jealousy are already manifested in nine-month-old babies, of course these reactions are primitive. When a mother approaches or picks up another child, pretends to hug the child’s father or another adult, the child screams, cries, and jerks. Also, children may be jealous if another sibling appears in the family.

Jealousy is associated with rivalry. The main reason for jealousy is to lose the love and attention of the object of affection!

Such an experience of childhood jealousy teaches us that none of us is the “center of the universe” and that love is given to us for a reason, it needs to be sought, earned, protected.

Jealousy doesn’t always mean love.

People often cover up their strong emotional co-dependence with jealousy, making a claim to “own” another with whom there is an emotional connection.

Often jealousy shows the degree of self-doubt, the threat to self-esteem is the main factor in its occurrence. People can experience very strong pathological jealousy, considering themselves not self-sufficient or, on the contrary, too self-confident, who consider a person their “property”.

The reasons for the reaction of jealousy may be a too warm conversation between a partner and another person, flirting, which is perceived as a threat to the relationships.

People with an anxious type of attachment tend to be more jealous than people with a strong attachment style.

Jealousy can be accompanied by a whole range of emotions: strong fear, sometimes irrational, of losing a loved one; anger, resentment, anxiety, shame, sadness.

The main two ingredients of jealousy are fear and anger!

More often, jealousy occurs in those couples where there are no partnerships, and there is a confrontation – who is the main one and whose place is where.

It is not possible to completely get rid of jealousy, but it is possible to mitigate its impact on partnerships!

If you understand that it is difficult to cope with your own experiences, contact a specialist!

Some advise if you wanna consider:

• It must be remembered that unreasonable jealousy can be a trigger for infidelity. The partner can do this on principle (… it’s better to be sinful than to be considered so). Such an act of protest of a partner who is groundlessly accused of infidelity. Trying to keep your partner under control and tormenting him with suspicions, sooner or later will spoil the relationship and you’ll get what you were afraid of – the partner will leave you.
• If you have doubts and you start to worry about something, discuss it with your partner! Remember, the main thing in a relationship is established communication in a couple!
• I understand that sometimes it is difficult, but you should not be jealous of your partner’s relationship before your marriage.
• If your partner’s friendship with friends of the opposite sex is a reason for you to feel jealous, discuss this point with you partner and set the rules in your relationship: a man is friends with men, a woman with women, a married couple is friends with married couples.
• Stop comparing yourself with others, try to gain confidence in yourself, that you are attractive. Reconsider your lifestyle, your way of thinking.
• Pay attention to yourself, take care of your health, your appearance, find time to do sports!
• Develop intimacy with your partner, organize joint leisure, find common hobbies and interests.

“Jealousy strikes the hardest and strongest love.”

Ovid